The Fiction Doctor          Cindy Davis


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Here are some points to help your own self editing

Author intrusion is where the author’s voice is heard above that of the character.

Overwriting is something I see frequently. It's:

Show vs. Tell is a difficult concept to understand. It takes practice and perseverance to master the nuances, to know when to tell and when to show. How do you know if you're telling rather than showing your story? If you describe what's going on in a scene, you are probably telling. When you tell rather than show, you are essentially telling the reader how to feel, because it's your version of the story. Showing a scene instead, brings the reader in and lets them experience things right up front in their own way.

Why is there so much emphasis on showing instead of telling? The question is, how to do this? One way is to use metaphors and analogies to compare the way things look, smell, sound or taste to that specific character. Rather than tell that the ocean breeze smelled like salt, show how the smell reminded the character of a romantic date he'd had. Or how it tickled his nostrils. Or how the scene affects this character emotionally. Let the sounds of your setting's everyday life permeate the scenes. The way a character reacts or thinks about sounds or events around him deepens the scene, develops the character. Shows the reader.

Always be thinking how the character views each scene. Rather than saying "Debbie sat on the bed," show it creaking under her weight or show its legs scratching across the bare wood floor. The creak or scratch should portray how she sat. If she's angry and throws herself there, the bed will be more likely to bang against the wall. Conversely, if she's calm, she'll probably drop on the bed and it won't make any noise, but might puff up the scent of fabric softener from the quilt. Instead of a long paragraph telling how she was born in Boston, show it in how she says she "always loved the way the moonlight glistened off Boston Harbor" or that she "went to all the Bruins games."

Examples:


Do you give a play by play description of each character?

Delete it—well, most of it anyway. Dressing oneself, driving, smoking, eating, and bathing are all static activities; places where nothing but introspection usually happens. Take out these scenes. Unless her clothing or the way she bathes is needed to forward your plot. Leave only what delineates the character.
Do you try to provide too much of the character’s background?
Is your narrative overloaded with pronouns?

Try reworking sentences to eliminate them.

This step takes work, but the end result is much tighter, succinct prose.


Consistent point of view.

I won’t go into detail about point of view, there’s too much to say, but as you read through your novel, watch for things that aren’t quite right. That aren’t exactly things your character could actually see or hear. And don’t be cagey about it. If the character’s seeing or hearing something doesn’t happen easily, write it so it does.
Substitute action verbs and physical movements for the adverbs and adjectives.

Taking a breath is a time-worn way of bolstering one’s courage. A little trite but it gets my meaning across here. Also instead of ‘carefully walking’, note that he ‘tiptoed’. This brings the action closer to the reader, makes the character’s emotions more succinct.


Passive voice slows the action, takes it a bit out of focus.

What is passive voice? Verbs that contain ‘had’ ‘were’ had been’ ‘would have’, etc. The fix? Take them out and replace with an action verb.


Does the dialogue in your ms sound like the character, or does it sound like you?



Last Updated: 5 February 2010


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